


The Batman added you to Official Justice League Chat

by stick2theplan



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), DCU, DCU (Comics), Green Arrow - All Media Types, The Flash - All Media Types
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, Group chat, Humor, Justice League GroupMe, White Canary needs advice, everyone uses their aliases
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 08:14:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12577520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stick2theplan/pseuds/stick2theplan
Summary: Canary: guysCanary: GUYS.Wonder Woman: AhemCanary: …and girlsWonder Woman: BetterOR: When Batman made a group chat, this was not what he had in mind.





	The Batman added you to Official Justice League Chat

**Author's Note:**

> This is sort of crack, but I wouldn't put it past them to actually behave like this, so idk.  
> Also, they use aliases, so you can decide who Oliver and Barry's SOs are based on your existing ships.

Canary: HO  
Canary: LY  
Canary: FUCK  
Canary: guys  
Canary: GUYS.

Wonder Woman: Ahem

Canary: …and girls

Wonder Woman: Better.

Canary: ~AN.Y.WAY~

Green Arrow: What is it? Something wrong??

Canary: if this is wrong i don’t wanna b right

Superman: ???

Green Arrow: **@Canary** ????

Canary: I JUST MET THE WOMAN IM  
     GOING 2 SPEND THE REST OF MY  
     LIFE WITH  
Canary: OK SO WE HAVN’T TECHNICALLY  
     MET YET BUT SHE’S HERE AND  
     PERFECT I CAN TELL AND I  
     WANTED 2 SHARE THIS MOMENT  
     BCZ UR ALL V IMPORTANT 2 ME  
Canary: SORRY WE CAN’T INVITE MOST  
     OF U 2 THE WEDDING BCZ  
     ~SECRET IDENTITIES~

Green Arrow: Oh, so ur fine then  
Green Arrow: Any suggestions on what I  
     should get the wife for our  
     anniversary?

Canary: OMFG NO **@Green Arrow** I AM  
     NOT FINE!  
Canary: I REALIZED I HAVE 2 TALK 2 HER  
     EVENTUALLY AND IM FREAKING OUT  
     HOW DO U CASUALLY TELL SOME1  
     THAT UD CONQUER EMPIRES IN HER  
     NAME????

The Atom: Uh **@Green Arrow** isn’t your  
      wife in this chat?

Vibe: **@Black Canary**  rotfl

Cyborg: Wait, I thought…  
Cyborg: I’m so confused

Vibe: lol newbie can’t tell the canaries apart

Canary changed name to White Canary

White Canary: NOW CAN WE PLZ FOCUS  
White Canary: SHE’S MY HELEN OF TROY

Wonder Woman: **@White Canary** have you  
     been approached by any strange men  
     lately? I fear Ares may be responsible  
     for your unusual behavior

Green Arrow: Unusual? Have you met White  
     Canary?

Black Canary: Wait wait wait. Everyone back  
     up a second. **@White Canary** what’s  
     happening? **@Green Arrow** I already  
     told you what I want

Green Arrow: What? When?

White Canary: I FOUND MY SOULMATE

Green Arrow: Babe I need a hint?!

Black Canary: I meant context WC

White Canary: OH RIGHT  
White Canary: Sorry. 4got 2 turn off caps  
White Canary: I’m in a class @ the gym  
     and the kickboxing instructor is the  
     most amazing humanoid i’ve ever seen.  
     I want 2 make ninja babies with her

Black Canary: I thought you had a crush on  
     ~you know who~?

White Canary: Well that’s obvs not gonna  
     pan out so I’m being more realistic

Black Canary: you know what I’m just gonna  
     PM you

The Atom: Wait, why are you in a kickboxing  
     class? Aren’t you a pro or whatever?

White Canary: Bcz **@The Atom** it never  
      hurts to revisit the basics. judgy much?

Vibe: ^ translation: homegirl walked into the  
     wrong class but stuck around 4 the  
     hot teacher 😂

White Canary removed Vibe from the group

White Canary: Fate led me here obvi

Green Arrow: **@Black Canary** ?  
Green Arrow: Am I in trouble?

Zatanna: lol yep.

The Atom: **@White Canary** tell me she’s not  
     wearing one of those “superheroes wear  
     spandex” shirts? I hate those.

Zatanna: Hey, that’s my girl’s fiancée you  
     might be dissing

Flash: While ur all here, what do u guys think  
     of the whole asking ur SO’s parents 4  
     their blessing thing?

Wonder Woman: I find that practice to be  
     antiquated and misogynistic.

Flash: OK yeah but I’m just trying not to get  
     killed by her dad…

Superman: I guess it depends on your  
     relationship with him. And her.

White Canary: Um, xcuse me we’re talking  
     about *my* future wife right now. Wait  
     ur turn speedy gonzalez

Flash: U haven’t even spoken 2 her yet

White Canary: Exactly! smol window of  
     opportunity. Ur weird family dynamics  
     can wait

The Batman: As a reminder, this group is for  
     urgent, official Justice League matters  
     only.

Flash changed name to The Flash

White Canary: UH YEAH NO DUH BATMAN  
     THE FUTURE MOTHER OF MY  
     CHILDREN IS LESS THAN 20 FT AWAY  
     AND I STILL DK WHAT 2 SAY 2 HER.  
     IF I SCREW THIS UP IM GOING TO DIE  
     AND THEN WHO WILL PROTECT STAR  
     CITY?? THIS IS CLEARLY AN URGENT  
     LEAGUE MATTER. SEND HELP

Green Arrow: I mean, there r 3 other league  
     members based in star, so we’ll probs  
     b fine

White Canary: gee robin hood, ur such a gr8  
     friend thnx

Superman: Just be yourself, **@White Canary**

White Canary: R u crazy?! i can’t do that i’m  
     a total dork wtf  
White Canary: like fml my sox don’t match

Superman: If she doesn’t like you for who  
     you are, she’s not worth your time.

Zatanna: Hctam reh skcos  
Zatanna: Did that work?

White Canary: No still 1 white 1 red but thnx  
     4 trying Z

Batgirl: Wow ok give me a sec 2 catch up

The Flash: Hey, ok so back 2 getting  
     approval from the future in-laws…

Supergirl: On Krypton, it was customary for  
     suitors to write a thesis paper on their  
     worthiness. As a sign of intellect and  
     dedication 📜

The Flash: um

Cyborg: Really?

Supergirl: No. That would be ridiculous. Just  
     like this. He isn’t marrying her dad.

Zatanna: Lmfao. Preach, girl!

Superman: Food for thought: following  
     tradition to please her dad won’t  
     matter if it pisses her off enough to  
     say no herself, Flash.

The Flash: Shoot I didn’t think of that

Lois Lane-Kent: **@The Batman** your child is  
     definitely a sociopath

The Flash: !

Cyborg: !!  
Cyborg: Who added Lois Lane to the group?!

Superman: Lois?!

Lois Lane-Kent: Oh, relax. I’m the JL’s  
     greatest ally. Your texting habits are  
     safe from the headlines.

The Batman: What did he do this time?

Lois Lane-Kent: He used his sai to make  
     puppets out of the backyard squirrels  
Lois Lane-Kent: Come get him. I am not a  
     babysitter.

The Batman: I’ll send a car.

Lois Lane-Kent: Send bleach, too.

Cyborg: Still waiting on an explanation for  
     how a reporter got into our chat

Superman: Lois.

Lois Lane-Kent: Fine.

Lois Lane-Kent left the group

Green Arrow: Guys I can’t find Black Canary  
Green Arrow: I looked everywhere

Batgirl: Ok, I’m up to speed

Black Canary: *apparently “everywhere”  
     doesn’t include the laundry room

Green Arrow: !  
Green Arrow: We have a laundry room?

Zatanna: omfg DEAD

Batgirl added Nightwing to the group

Batgirl: **@Nightwing** your skillz are needed,  
     Casanova

Zatanna: How did I not think of that?!?  
**@Batgirl** you’re a genius.

Nightwing: Hahaha yeah just saw your text.  
     also wOw GA

Batgirl: **@White Canary** you still with us?

Captain Marvel: Guys the ice cream truck  
     driver gave me a free rocket pop!

White Canary: whatyesbarelyistopped  
     breathingtenminutesagowhenshe  
     madeeyecontact

Black Canary: Please continue breathing

Zatanna: Deep breaths, honey

Green Arrow: **@Black Canary** can you tell  
     me where the laundry room is??

Black Canary: Not the time 4 this, O

Nightwing: I got ur back, WC. U trying 2  
     get laid or date her?

White Canary: I’m trying to find the nearest  
     courthouse. decided 3 sec ago a  
     ceremony will take 2 long 2 plan

Nightwing: lol what changed 3s ago?

Black Canary: EXCUSE ME YOU ARE NOT  
     ALLOWED TO GET MARRIED WITHOUT  
     WITHOUT ME PRESENT

White Canary: She bent over 2 pick up her  
     water bottle. Damn.

Nightwing: 😂 That hot?

White Canary: Total smokeshow

Black Canary: OMG ew pls stop

The Batman: Why is this still going on?

Nightwing: Wait, do u know if she’s queer?

White Canary: What kind of cruel universe  
     would make my soulmate a straight  
     girl?

Green Arrow: Ok WC you still haven’t even  
     spoken to her yet, so…

White Canary: Shut up GA

Batgirl: wtf GA? Let her live

Black Canary: Yeah, don’t be mean

Green Arrow: I’m just saying

Zatanna removed Green Arrow from the group

Aquaman: Is anyone near here📍? I could  
     use assistance.

Superman: On my way.

Nightwing: **@White Canary** r u going 4  
     subtle or forward? Sweet or seductive?

White Canary: All of the above?

Nightwing: I may b skilled but it’s def not  
     possible 2 b subtle and forward @ the  
     same time

White Canary: idgaf boy wonder just make  
     her love me

Nightwing: …let’s start with subtle. U know  
     her name?

White Canary: No I couldn’t hear the 1st few  
     min of class over the sound of my ❤️  
     growing 3x

Zatanna: Wow bb girl, you are a hot mess

Nightwing: No actually that’s perfect!!  
Nightwing: Just say that!

White Canary: U want me 2 tell her i’m the  
     grinch?!?

The Heir: If I may…  
The Heir: I, too, am in need of advice.

Batgirl: What’s going on?

Nightwing: **@White Canary** no, ask 4 her  
     name and say ur sorry if she said it  
     earlier, but u were overwhelmed by her  
     presence

The Heir: How do I get the young woman  
     in the back of my class to put her phone  
     away and pay attention?

Batgirl: Ask nicely?

White Canary: GUYS WHAT SHE WINKED  
     AT ME WHAT DOES THST MEAN?

The Heir: Perhaps it means she would  
     appreciate if you postponed your  
     updates to the group until her class is  
     over

White Canary: 😱

Nightwing: 😱

Black Canary: 🤯

Batgirl: oooohhhh

Zatanna: Holy shit, plot twist!

Black Canary added Green Arrow to the group

Green Arrow: SUCCESS!  
Green Arrow: (I found the laundry room!)  
Green Arrow: What’d I miss?

Nightwing: …

The Batman: I tried to stop you, White  
     Canary.

Green Arrow: WTF WC’s fiancée is the Heir?  
Green Arrow: I did not c that coming

The Flash: Ok they’re not actually engaged  
     jesus

Green Arrow removed The Flash from the group

Green Arrow: I learned my lesson

Black Canary: Good boy

Green Arrow: 😋

Black Canary: 😉

Zatanna: EW TAKE THAT OUT OF THE  
     GROUP CHAT GROSS

Batgirl: I need an update on WC and Heir

Batgirl: Nvrmd she texted me an audio clip  
      of I Swear by all 4 one  
Batgirl: Pretty sure they gucci

Zatanna: YAS LOVE WINS

Nightwing: Am I allowed to take credit here?  
Nightwing: Eh, whatevs

White Canary: Yep yep yep thnx guys  
White Canary: Ttyl got a date with destiny  
White Canary: As you were

Nightwing: 👍

Nightwing left the group

The Batman added The Flash and Vibe to the group

Vibe: Ok ouch who removed me????

Black Canary removed Vibe from the group

The Batman: …acceptable.

Green Lantern: Uh guys I forgot the access  
     code to the watchtower. Can someone  
     let me in?  
Green Lantern: Anyone?  
Green Lantern: Come on guys I know you  
     were all just checking the chat wth  
Green Lantern: Ew nevermind I think WC and  
     the Heir are having their “date” here

The Heir: OMG GTFO HAL!!  
The Heir: oops this isn’t my phone

The Batman: sigh.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated! (I've reread it too many times, and I can't tell if it's funny anymore.)


End file.
